What a way to start a Monday.

[damont]

As almost everyone who has gotten online before me this morning has already posted, George Carlin has passed. Requiescas in pace, George.

<voice="stoned-hippie">"Tonight's forecast: Dark. Continued mostly dark tonight, changing to widely scattered light in the morning."</voice>

Got any favorite Carlin quotes (from stand-up or movies) you'd like to share?

Comments

[draftwitch.livejournal.com]

"know how you can tell when a moth farts? He flies in a straight line. "

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

This conversation is bound to turn up. Two guys in a street meet each other and one of them says, "hey, did you hear? Phil Davis died". "Phil Davis? I just saw him yesterday." "Yeah, didn't help. He died anyway. Apparently, the simple act of you seeing him did not slow down his cancer. In fact, it may have made it more aggressive. You know, you could be the cause for Phil's Death, how, do you live with yourself?"

[craig trader (from livejournal.com)]

"I am a professional comedian, as opposed to the amateurs you have to put up with every day. It is my job to point out stuff that was funny, but you forgot to laugh about the first time. Take 'disposable douche' -- who'd want to keep one?"

[stefsoap.livejournal.com]

Well, I've always loved his bit about rubbernecking and bringing the burnt bodies over to the car so you could see better. I don't remember it exactly and can't find it at the moment, but I love it.

I also love the piece he does about your stuff and how you take your stuff with you and then it gets smaller and smaller, but you still have your stuff

And his ten commandments piece is hilarious too

[baron-rorik.livejournal.com]

Baseball and Football

These two activities are so much a part of us, yet they are so differnet.

Baseball is pastoral; 19th century.
Football is technological; 20th century.
Baseball is played on a diamond in the park.
Football is played on a gridiron in a stadium.
In Baseball you wear a cap.
In Football you wear a helmet.
Baseball has a 7th inning stretch.
Football has a 2 minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit.
- - We don't know when it's going to end. We might have extra innings.
Football is ridgely timed and it will end,
- - even if we have to go to 'sudden death'.
Football is based on downs - "What down is it?"
Baseball is based on ups - "Who's up? Are you up? I'm not up."
In Football you get a penalty.
In Baseball you make an error - oops!
In Baseball, in the stands, there is kind of a picnic feeling.
- - Emotions may run high, but there's not that much unpleasantness.
In Football, in the stands, you can be sure
- - that at least 27 times during the game you are capable of taking the
- - life of a fellow human being, preferrably a stranger.

To sum this up the objects of the games are quite different.

In Baseball the object is to go home. I'm going home!

The object of the game in Football is for the quarterback, otherwise known
as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assult,
riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy
in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun.
With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into
enemy territory, balancing this aerial assualt with a sustained
ground attack which punches holes in the foreward wall of the
enemy's defensive line.

tada