What do you do with a flat pi-a-no?

[damont]

The piano in the choir room is badly out of tune: most of the keys are a bit flat, and the octave below middle C is just totally FUBAR (keys wildly out of tune with each other, et cetera ad nauseam, though the nauseam kicks in pretty damn fast).

Me: "Someday I'm going to have to do something about that piano."
Choir Director: "Why?"
blaisedec: "He has perfect pitch just like [another choir member] does."
Me: "I'm just not sure if the solution involves a tuning wrench or a 12-gauge."

The women did today's anthem, which was just as well since my voice wasn't up to it (allergies, gotta make sure I do the Claritin regularly). The men are doing a 19th century Russian piece next week.

Comments

Don't Shoot Me! I'm just the piano!

[maugorn.livejournal.com]

Um...Don't shoot the poor piano. Sheesh!

Why do people act like it's a surprise when a device that runs on tuned strings NEEDS regular maintainance?

I once got 50% off the list price on a banjo (at a thrift store) because some strings were broken.

Anyway, all is not lost. Go to petty cash or take up a collection among your choirmembers or get a budget item approved to either call a professional tuner or, barring that, buy a tuning wrench and a decent chromatic tuner.

Yes, you CAN tune a piano decently yourself. No, DON'T worry about warping the soundboard or some such nonsense unless you're dealing with an antique.
Used Pianos can be bought for as little as...FREE TO A GOOD HOME.
Fact is, the piano SUCKS now, and for not alot of money it can very likely be fixed or at least made to suck a whole lot less. What have you got to lose?

The next comment has some "How to's" from a slightly experienced piano hack who's had a whole lot of experience with strings in general.

Re: Don't Shoot Me! I'm just the piano!

[dr-zrfq.livejournal.com]

or, barring that, buy a tuning wrench and a decent chromatic tuner.

Yeah, a chromatic tuner would be nice. My initial thought on those lines was a mike and an oscilloscope, but I'm a former physics major.

Re: Don't Shoot Me! I'm just the piano!

[maugorn.livejournal.com]

Oscilloscope? Sigh. Geeks, you tried scrubbing, you've tried soaking.

But seriously, folks, this is a problem that has been very very solved.
Musicians have had excellent tuner technology for decades.

(I must confess that with my 12- 27 strings to tune for and during a gig that I've grown REALLY FOND of my tuners)

The Boss TU12H has a decent onboard mic, a plug for a better one, (if you want), a 7 OCTAVE SENSITIVITY RANGE, a calibration mode for non-standard tunings, and doubtlessly some other bells and whistles in the latest model and it can be had for ~$80 from almost any music store. I believe that either Seiko or Sanyo still make a model that's a little more expensive but has a wonderfully responsive meter that's really stable and easy to read, (about $50 more) For power/$, I *highly* recommend the Boss.
But even if your budget is REALLY bad...
There are cheaper models that will also work pretty good (but just might not be as sensitive to the extreme ranges) for as little as $15. My trusty little Korg (the $15 one) stays in my pocket, has never failed, and is (for a digital tuner) fast enough that I can watch my pitches as I sing. It might not finish this job, but it and a socket wrench set would get you started on massive improvement with about an hour's worth of work.

So be brave and stand up to your piano suckage. A massive improvement is yours with just a little time and minimal cash.

Re: Don't Shoot Me! I'm just the piano!

[dr-zrfq.livejournal.com]

I was honestly thinking of the o-scope for simultaneous comparison of waveforms for two strings that are supposed to be tuned identically. But as I pointed out before, I'm a former physics major.

I do hope blaisedec and/or nostasia read all these comments, as it's their church... but thanks for the pointers, Maug, I appreciate 'em.